As for the forgiveness of those who are offended, who has brought misery and contempt and anger for you is, who are jealous of you in all your successful business. We sincerely wish to try to forgive another person, but we do not necessarily do it. And at times are at an impasse: the words apologize, but at heart is a bad touch on the desires and lack of a formal spoken words of forgiveness.
Regardless of whether we ask for forgiveness and we forgive on their own initiative, forgiveness - always the result of hard work within us, the result of this work, we do not know in advance. This process is partly unconscious, and his "success" does not depend on the degree of inflicted wrongs, but on the strength of our experiences. Let's try to define the basic steps that we go on the road to forgiveness.
1. Decide to stop suffering
As long as the abuser hurts us, it is impossible to take the path of forgiveness. How to stop this? The first step may be a conscious decision: to stop suffering, stop experiencing the pain, hurt, injustice. Sometimes this will go on break or away from someone who hurts us. After all, next to the offender, we feel powerless, suffering just paralyzes us. In special cases where the risk of our physical or mental health, the only way to go through this stage and make the offender accountable for his action could become a lawsuit. Forgiveness is the one who was cruel to us, and appeal to law enforcement agencies do not contradict each other. Court, the perfect name company may determine guilt and punish the offender. But forgiveness can only victim, and only if he wants it.
1. Decide to stop suffering
As long as the abuser hurts us, it is impossible to take the path of forgiveness. How to stop this? The first step may be a conscious decision: to stop suffering, stop experiencing the pain, hurt, injustice. Sometimes this will go on break or away from someone who hurts us. After all, next to the offender, we feel powerless, suffering just paralyzes us. In special cases where the risk of our physical or mental health, the only way to go through this stage and make the offender accountable for his action could become a lawsuit. Forgiveness is the one who was cruel to us, and appeal to law enforcement agencies do not contradict each other. Court, the perfect name company may determine guilt and punish the offender. But forgiveness can only victim, and only if he wants it.
2. Recognize that we did poorly
The past does not disappear. It is useless to try to forget an insult. Due to psychological defense mechanisms suffering, hatred and bitterness pushed into the unconscious where they continue to act with even greater destructive force. We need to admit guilt of man, causing us harm. This is necessary in order for us to live. And gives us an opportunity to "return the guilty offenders back and thereby restore the relationship with oneself" (Ruben Gabriel, "The path to forgiveness," "Klarans", Paris, 2007). In addition, to avoid the development of mental disorders and subsequent physical illness or trace patterns of behavior that lead to repeated failures in interpersonal relations or business career.
3. To express their anger
Feel the anger and even hatred toward your abuser - in other words, simply recognize and "let out" your misery. Aggressiveness at first, even helpful, she talks about mental health, that the victim does not negate the incident and can not stand on somebody else's fault. As explained by Gabriel Reuben, "hate - a powerful feeling that can not be made to disappear. If we do not send it to the offender, it will inevitably turn it on themselves, risking self-destruction process to run." Rarely have the opportunity to directly express their anger abuser, make accusations, he can not consider himself guilty or have a strong enough power that we do not dare to oppose him. However, we can do this work yourself: write down what you feel, tell us about their experiences a person you trust, and if the situation is very painful, talk to a specialist.
The past does not disappear. It is useless to try to forget an insult. Due to psychological defense mechanisms suffering, hatred and bitterness pushed into the unconscious where they continue to act with even greater destructive force. We need to admit guilt of man, causing us harm. This is necessary in order for us to live. And gives us an opportunity to "return the guilty offenders back and thereby restore the relationship with oneself" (Ruben Gabriel, "The path to forgiveness," "Klarans", Paris, 2007). In addition, to avoid the development of mental disorders and subsequent physical illness or trace patterns of behavior that lead to repeated failures in interpersonal relations or business career.
3. To express their anger
Feel the anger and even hatred toward your abuser - in other words, simply recognize and "let out" your misery. Aggressiveness at first, even helpful, she talks about mental health, that the victim does not negate the incident and can not stand on somebody else's fault. As explained by Gabriel Reuben, "hate - a powerful feeling that can not be made to disappear. If we do not send it to the offender, it will inevitably turn it on themselves, risking self-destruction process to run." Rarely have the opportunity to directly express their anger abuser, make accusations, he can not consider himself guilty or have a strong enough power that we do not dare to oppose him. However, we can do this work yourself: write down what you feel, tell us about their experiences a person you trust, and if the situation is very painful, talk to a specialist.
4. Stop feeling guilty
Most of the victims feel guilty that happened to them. Trying to look at what happened from the help to make sense of grievance and its accompanying misery less acute. What to us was hurt - the pride, reputation, honor, personal boundaries? Psychoanalyst Nicole Fabre ("Paradoxes of forgiveness", "Klarans", Paris, 2007) believes that "the answer to this question can help get rid of guilt, that is, to realize that we are not responsible for what happened to us" . The idea is to give up his ideal of "I" and part with haunting wailing: "I do not apologize for what I do not get otherwise." In some dramatic cases, such as rape, forgive yourself need to move on.
5. Understand who we have offended
Hate and anger helped through aggression, but if you have them for a long time, it will inevitably lead to self-destruction. To avoid this, it is useful "get into the skin abuser." To understand his motives did not mean to try to forgive, our goal - to see his weaknesses, understand the action that caused us pain. A man is not equal to the sum of actions, however monstrous they are.
6. Do not rush
Forgive - not to forget. Forgiveness is given by too quickly, no one will bring relief. Not so fast, "let pass the time while maintaining a positive attitude towards forgiveness," advises Nicole Fabre . Forgiveness received too quickly, may be perceived as guilty indulgence. It also becomes a trap for the victim, who still feels the bitterness and anger (not even aware of it) - because it took too much time. The illusion of forgiveness turns against the one who wants to forgive.
Most of the victims feel guilty that happened to them. Trying to look at what happened from the help to make sense of grievance and its accompanying misery less acute. What to us was hurt - the pride, reputation, honor, personal boundaries? Psychoanalyst Nicole Fabre ("Paradoxes of forgiveness", "Klarans", Paris, 2007) believes that "the answer to this question can help get rid of guilt, that is, to realize that we are not responsible for what happened to us" . The idea is to give up his ideal of "I" and part with haunting wailing: "I do not apologize for what I do not get otherwise." In some dramatic cases, such as rape, forgive yourself need to move on.
5. Understand who we have offended
Hate and anger helped through aggression, but if you have them for a long time, it will inevitably lead to self-destruction. To avoid this, it is useful "get into the skin abuser." To understand his motives did not mean to try to forgive, our goal - to see his weaknesses, understand the action that caused us pain. A man is not equal to the sum of actions, however monstrous they are.
6. Do not rush
Forgive - not to forget. Forgiveness is given by too quickly, no one will bring relief. Not so fast, "let pass the time while maintaining a positive attitude towards forgiveness," advises Nicole Fabre . Forgiveness received too quickly, may be perceived as guilty indulgence. It also becomes a trap for the victim, who still feels the bitterness and anger (not even aware of it) - because it took too much time. The illusion of forgiveness turns against the one who wants to forgive.
7. Again become master of his life
How do I know whether or not we forgive?
If we do not feel any more anger, no malice towards the one who made us suffer, if a sense of guilt in what happened is gone, we can assume that forgave him. Another sure sign that the pardon was held - is "moving to action, the return of our active attitude toward life" (Nicole Fabre).
Forgiveness - it's often an act of liberation, which dissolves the pain and helps her to become the surviving master of his life, to cease to suffer and suffer, and even become stronger. According to Nicole Fabre, "to forgive - it means to be older, to give his life in place of another person to accept it. This way of liberation - a step that allows you to forgive and move on."
As a first step towards forgiveness? This is the hardest part - the first step. Not just on this topic at all, in any case. Everyone does it their own way, guided by intuition, tips, tricks, sympathetic people. Let my experience and this will prompt someone. In your practical life, perhaps you have someone to help. "Save yourself and thousands around you will be saved" (Seraphim Sarov).
In the early to retire, find a place where you will not interfere with nor relatives, nor the phone calls, etc. If you are a believer, arrange your icons (that is, in a holiday icon you were born), light a match (not just from the fire lighters), consecrated in the Temple of the candle. Three times aloud read the prayer "Our Father", you can call for help and all your Saints, Guardian Angel. Then try, slowly, to understand its past: think of the problems, mistakes, misery, misery, resentment, that is, try to remove the "rock with soul." Then focus on only one: think of the chief of the offender - a man at the thought of which you are mired in anger, rage, desire to punish, perhaps even kill him. Imagine a person's name the abuser. Take a photograph, if available. Say out loud: "Forgive me, for Christ's sake!" If you are really ready to forgive, and is ripe for forgiveness, then inevitably there comes peace of relief. There may be tears, will breathe easier, however, feel there may be at everyone.
Not always this emotional work brings the expected results immediately. How do I know that you have coped with this task? It's easy. You have reached the goal, if memories on the day of their abuser does not cause you any negative emotions. And so the follow on. From one abuser to another, if any.
How do I know whether or not we forgive?
If we do not feel any more anger, no malice towards the one who made us suffer, if a sense of guilt in what happened is gone, we can assume that forgave him. Another sure sign that the pardon was held - is "moving to action, the return of our active attitude toward life" (Nicole Fabre).
Forgiveness - it's often an act of liberation, which dissolves the pain and helps her to become the surviving master of his life, to cease to suffer and suffer, and even become stronger. According to Nicole Fabre, "to forgive - it means to be older, to give his life in place of another person to accept it. This way of liberation - a step that allows you to forgive and move on."
As a first step towards forgiveness? This is the hardest part - the first step. Not just on this topic at all, in any case. Everyone does it their own way, guided by intuition, tips, tricks, sympathetic people. Let my experience and this will prompt someone. In your practical life, perhaps you have someone to help. "Save yourself and thousands around you will be saved" (Seraphim Sarov).
In the early to retire, find a place where you will not interfere with nor relatives, nor the phone calls, etc. If you are a believer, arrange your icons (that is, in a holiday icon you were born), light a match (not just from the fire lighters), consecrated in the Temple of the candle. Three times aloud read the prayer "Our Father", you can call for help and all your Saints, Guardian Angel. Then try, slowly, to understand its past: think of the problems, mistakes, misery, misery, resentment, that is, try to remove the "rock with soul." Then focus on only one: think of the chief of the offender - a man at the thought of which you are mired in anger, rage, desire to punish, perhaps even kill him. Imagine a person's name the abuser. Take a photograph, if available. Say out loud: "Forgive me, for Christ's sake!" If you are really ready to forgive, and is ripe for forgiveness, then inevitably there comes peace of relief. There may be tears, will breathe easier, however, feel there may be at everyone.
Not always this emotional work brings the expected results immediately. How do I know that you have coped with this task? It's easy. You have reached the goal, if memories on the day of their abuser does not cause you any negative emotions. And so the follow on. From one abuser to another, if any.
What usually prevents decide to cease to suffer and to recognize the fact that they did poorly, the people who asked for help?
Haste, the desire to get relief immediately at the time of treatment. The problems have accumulated over the years, and I want to achieve the desired immediately, as if drunk, "the Kremlin pill." Take your time, your job requires a lot of mental strength, patience, time, do not expect quick results. Only then can you get real relief and "superiority" over forgiven. And believe me - the enjoyment of life.
With the restoration of peace of mind to you will come back and physical health. Out of your head will fly once a psychological cause of the disease. Most chronic disease first appears in the head - of resentment, disappointment, selfishness, excessive suspiciousness, irritability ... Here "pills by the handful" will bring only harm, since killing the diseased cells they infect, healthy, weakening the body's immunity. In addition, corrode and destroy the lining of internal organs. Yes, and bring only a temporary effect.
Any illness first occurs in the subconscious, and which programs the body to the relevant pathology. At any psychological impact on any situation in the brain are formed special substances - specific neuropeptides, which perpetuate his memory in the centers and the corresponding effect on target organs: kidneys, liver, heart, etc. If you're again in a situation similar to that already allocated neuropeptides in greater numbers and impact on target will be much more powerful. This process increases as the chain reaction.
Haste, the desire to get relief immediately at the time of treatment. The problems have accumulated over the years, and I want to achieve the desired immediately, as if drunk, "the Kremlin pill." Take your time, your job requires a lot of mental strength, patience, time, do not expect quick results. Only then can you get real relief and "superiority" over forgiven. And believe me - the enjoyment of life.
With the restoration of peace of mind to you will come back and physical health. Out of your head will fly once a psychological cause of the disease. Most chronic disease first appears in the head - of resentment, disappointment, selfishness, excessive suspiciousness, irritability ... Here "pills by the handful" will bring only harm, since killing the diseased cells they infect, healthy, weakening the body's immunity. In addition, corrode and destroy the lining of internal organs. Yes, and bring only a temporary effect.
Any illness first occurs in the subconscious, and which programs the body to the relevant pathology. At any psychological impact on any situation in the brain are formed special substances - specific neuropeptides, which perpetuate his memory in the centers and the corresponding effect on target organs: kidneys, liver, heart, etc. If you're again in a situation similar to that already allocated neuropeptides in greater numbers and impact on target will be much more powerful. This process increases as the chain reaction.
Do not entertain hatred for the injury, remove the hatred, anger Transfer for mercy, forgive yourself for any and all troubles - is sure that life will be happier than you. Remember the Prophet Vessarion: "You are called to be happy just by the mere fact that you live on this earth ... You have been given life, then given the opportunity to give your heart to people. And this is happiness."
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